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Sat, Feb. 6th, 2010, 11:41 am

Ahhhhhhh oh shit u guyz we has got like 267639 feet of snow here in PITTSBRUG. (that is where the steelers are livin in case u is to stupid to look on a map and be knowing.)

so anywayz i peeked out the window and seen that HOT NAYBOR CHRS was out there shoveling his sidewalk cuz he is a real man who wastes no time. so i was like "ok it is time for me to act like i am a man to" and of course rUBY and that kid who is not really a baby anymore so i just call him a kid now, just so u know, well they wanted to come out to and i was like FUUUUUCK cuz i hate when they remind CHRIS that i have a FAMLY. that is so lamez0rz.

ok so i get all manlied up with my work gloves (they have plastic nubbies on them) and work boots that i no for a FACT turn other dudes' on. i made sure my mustache was bristly and colored in the gray areas with a sharpie. then i pinched my cheeks to get some rosiness and went outside with my big shot shovel.

fucking RUby had her god damn CAMERA and my asshole started puckering so bad cuz i just knewed she was eventully gonna start taking pics of CHRIS.

AND SHE DID.

GOD DAMIT

so i try to ignore her fat ass and concentrate on trying to make my muscles ripple thru my FAYGO jacket while i shovel the sidewalk and im getting pissed, right, cuz it seems that CHRIS is talking more to RUBy and that kid than ME. i'm thinkin "does he not see how closely my shoevlin' moves resemble gay pornos???" i mean, there was not much more sexxx i could put into it aside from shoving the shovel stick up my butt hole and yelling WHEEEEE!!!

AND THEN fucking RUBY started DIVING off the porch into the snow and i was soooooo embrassed!!!! but then i seen cHRIS was laffin so i had to pretend like i am impressed with RUBys talent for the LOLs. when reeally all i can think about is stuffing her mouth with a rotten apple and baking her plump ass in the god damn oven i hate her so much FUCCCK.

and then CHRIS went in the house and did not say good bye to me but he said good bye to RUBY and that dumb kid and i'm like um hello, i'm over here CHRIS! and to rilly make shit worse, ruBY started jumping in the snow close to the side walk and all this snow started falling onto the side walk after i had worked so hard to shovel it WHAT THE FUCCCCK???

now i am in the house warin' my white long johns. i bet if CHRIS saw me in my white long johns he would notice me then. i was gonna post a picture but i think you people should just use your imagininnations.

Sat, Feb. 6th, 2010 08:12 pm (UTC)
stutts

Stand in front of the window wearing the long johns and itching your batch, that will get CHRIS's attention FOR SURE.

Mon, Feb. 8th, 2010 04:14 pm (UTC)
empatheticcrush

I love your posts, make them move often Hoover ;)

Thu, Feb. 11th, 2010 08:28 pm (UTC)
gravedirt

My day stank so bad until now, when I read this.

*crying*