Wed, Jan. 1st, 2020, 02:04 pm
u is not invited to my big gay TEE PARTY unless u is MONK, Britany Speers, RACheal raye, JOHn Black from Days of our lifes, alten Brown, carrot Top, or DUBYa. but maybe if u's leave me a comment i will add u to my frienz list and u can read about my dreams n wishes, u no?
Tue, Aug. 24th, 2010, 11:27 pm
Posted via LiveJournal.app.
oh shit u guys i has been doing a lot of shit this summer. but frist i want to wine about some shit!!!
some dude has been living with cHRIs! I am not sure what is goin on with that and I will be honest i did to be believin ruBY when she said she seen this dude on CHRIss front porch early one morning drinkin coffeee in his SLEEPWEAR! WHATTHE FUCK who is this guy and why is it him sleeping in chris's arms and not me?!
this has been goin on for a week, u guys. it all started when CHris was pulling out his personal affects (THAT IS SERVICE SPEAK FOR SHIT THAT BELONGS TO YOU, IN CASE YOU IS TO UNAMERICAN TO NO SHIT ABOUT THE SERVICE) to sell in his front yard and that dude comed over to help him. i did not like how close he was helping him.
and to make it worse i aint been seeing RUTH (that is CHRis's HAG) for awhile so i think she is away and this is all goin on behind her back and i am about to send her a annonamis tellegram so she knows that chris is having secret sleepovers (THAT I IS NOT INVITED TO).
(i was hoping to buy an old jock strap that CHris might have worn in high school but he was mostly just selling fishing shit and i am not manly enuf to need that shit)
AND THEN rubY been hanging out with some broad she grewed up with. her name is jessy, i dunno. she has a husband names TOMMY and now jessy and RUBY think it is some game to make me and TOMY best friends on a rainbow. i am like, "look, my butthole is still smartin' from when my old boss TED left the FAYGO PLANT, never to talk to me agian" and now this bitches are tryin to hook me up with some new dude and i am scared to get close, i cant lie.
anyway. we all went to a craft thing on sunday. it was pretty gay but i did get to taste lots of mustard and HOT SAUCE because that is what real men do at craft shows.
toMMY and me talked a little, i mean, we both have a lot in common seeing as how we have BITCHY WOMANS IN OUR LIFES.
but everytime we would talkies, ruBY and jessy would giggle and elbow each other and i was like "you girls are ruinin the momemnt!!!!!" it is already so hard for me since i am intimmmidated by TOMMY's striking eyeballs and manly intrests. being around him almost makes me forget about obama. he is a real looker.
WE MIGHT go do man things some time. but i bet ruBY will try and tag along because she thinks we will talk about her, like yeah right.
Thu, Apr. 29th, 2010, 11:33 am
I can't not take it no more u guyz, driving fat RUby to work. It is not important and respektible like when I was drivin a big truck full of meat and FAYGO, it is just emrassing cuz now my cargo is ugly RUBy who never shuts her fat mouth AND U NO WHAT SHE DOES NOT EVEN SAY THANK U!!!!
I am wriskin' my life everyday when I drive her to work!!! There are big scary men downtown who keep there hands in there pockits BECAUSE THEY GOT GUNZ IN THERE and then there is the dummy city sckool kids who JAYWALK. u might not no what that means but if u hit a kid while they is jaywalking it is ok u will not get in trubble.
There is hookers and strippers down there to!!!!!! If I did not have that KID in the backseat I would stop and let one of them whores do stuff to my weener while having internal struggles with my mommy issues and then i would prolly dump there bodies in a manhole. I would not tell no one but u guys so don't worry. I will not go to jail.
Like when I kill ruby I am just gonna say she is some hooker who tried to rape me. Then every one will feel sorry for me just Like I feel sorry for BEN RAWTHELBURGER he Is my hero! He does not take shit from no broad. If u do not no who he is, he is the GREATEST STILLER EVER!!! Stiller is a FOOT BALL TEEM from my city.
I HAS TO GO WATCH NCIS NOW!!!!!!!!!!!! I wonder is Hot Naybor Chris likes that show to.
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Mon, Apr. 19th, 2010, 01:26 pm
shit goddamn u guyz i got so much to telling u about.
FIRST i went to a hocky game!!!!! i went with RUby and her new sister. Her name is AMiee. They just met this yr. RUBy's mommy had sexual intercoarse with some other dude a long time ago and that is where AMI camed from.
anyway the hocky game was not one of the good NHL ones. (RUBy got to go to TOO of those games this yr!!!!) it was an ECHL game. that means they are like not as awesome and big-weenered as the professhunal ones like SYNDY CROSBY god he is so cute.
so the game was in WEST VIGINA and i was excited to maybe see some of my own kind there. AMYs boyfriend camed with her. he is a doctor!!!!!! like, a real one!!!! and not the kind i go to for my fizzicals - i do not thikn that guy is a real doctor. but he is cheap.
i tried to fit in as best i could with a real life DOCTOR. he even said "hey man let us go get some beer for the women b4 the game starts" and i did, i went with him, even tho ruBY is not a real women cuz she don't drink beer. I was just hopin it would give us some privacy so we could pat each other on the backs.
anyway it was a real fun time until ruBY said something about it being a date and i was like "bitch i did not agree to no date, u is not getting layed tonight"
then yeserday we went to visit my mommy in the nursing home. DONT WORRY SHE IS OK!!! she had a knee opration and is just recooperatin. so we get there and i'm all excited to show the world what a great sonny i am by hookin my mommys
ocks oscagyn air tank thing on her wheelchair so we could go to the FAMILY LOUNGE which is really just a room with vending machines and three tables.
anyway while i was doin that to her wheelchair some guy that lives in her apartment building camed to visit her to. I was like wtf is this shit!?>?!?!?! his name is ADRIAN who names there son ADRIAN. and he is like my age and IN A BAND so my mommy thnks he is like, real great. he camed with us to the FAMILY LOUNGE and i was like "hay dick stick why u cum in here, you are not FAMLY" but i didn't rilly say that cuz my mommy could hit me and frankly i am kind of scared of her still even tho i am a MAN now.
ok so we are sitting there and ADRAIN never shut his big dumb NATIVE AMERIKAN face!!!!!! him and my mommy sat there talkin about peoples i do not know cuz i do live in there apt building and i was like "wut am i sposed to do sit here and twiddle my weener" but then i kept wishin i had long thick hair like ADRAIN and i think i am gonna start growing my hair again and maybe then my mommy will NOTICE ME.
i also did not like that RUBY was talkin to this guy. he was talkin about courtin some broad who lives across the river from him and he would go across the river in his big dumb indian canoe and pick her up and ruBY was like swooning and sayin shit like "wow u is so nice, mister" and mean while i am like "wtf is COURTING????" he is takin' her to court and ruBY thinks this is so romantic??? oh i will take her to court if that is what she wants i have enuf dirt on her to make sure i never has to deal with that slut again jesus.
now i has to go back to cleanin the house because i have to do every thing round here or ruBY will blow the house up.
Sun, Mar. 14th, 2010, 05:53 pm
OH SHIT U GUYZ my frenz bill and jessiee comed to my house last week on there way back from sow romantical place called the Poke-In-Noze. They brang us FUDGE and I was like oh yummy but then they started talkin bout how swell marrige is and I'm like great now RUby is gonna wanna do that next but I will just told her that poeple in our state can't be getin nuptialized until they join a SWINGERS club duh.
I did not get to say buhbye to them the next day cuz I was at my big boy job. That made me feel sad cuz they think I am sum Faygo hotshot an I think bill some times looks at me in a gay-luv way. I am ok with that, speshully since hot naybor Chris has not been outside much lately.
Anyway I come home that day and there was a NOTE that jessyeee wrote and she even drewed a pickture of me, u guyz! And she writ nice things about my hair and how fantastik it is & I am like, finally. Sumeone sees my hair as a status simbull, just like that hair magazine I stoled from my mommys salon in 1974 said.
I like rilly Like my hair. I like my other hairs to. Maybe I will walk around with no pants on ok.
Today we went to RUBYS mommys house so I could FIX STUFF with my BARE HANDS. ok I used tools but I got to pretend I was a electrician like it was Halloween or some shit.
RuBy tried to belittle me for using a ladderr to fix her mommys light fixture. She goes: real men don't use ladders, and then laffed while her fat face was stuffed w/ pizza
And I go: no, TALL men don't use ladders!
Her mommy must think I am like so cool. I am writtibg this on RUbys iPhone an it is fixin' lots of my wordies for me, whoa!!!!
Here is a pickture of me eating a HOGIE and watxhibg the PENGUINS GAME, that means I is watching hokey if u is to dumb to know.
(whoa dumb has a b in it???????? Has I been saying it wrong all these years oh my god?)
Look at my keys dangling there that means I have a importnat life!!!!!
Posted via LiveJournal.app.
Tue, Mar. 2nd, 2010, 12:01 pm
i have a fans
oh shit u guyz!!! i am totly famous now.
some broad told RUBY that she been readin' her dum blog now for a few mths and then one day she seen me at the FLEE MARKIT an' she said she been freakin' out that she seen ME, can u ever rilly beleive that shit?
at first i was like "hecks yeah i am the shit, these broads should be droppin' dooces in there panties all the time, they be seein' me" but then I was like "oh my gosh i wonder what i was looking like that day????"
i mean, prolly that fucking KID was with me. he really distracts from my pretty hair and perfect face hair, u guyz. and then i be thinkin "could she be seein' the outline of my weener thru my pants and if so, did her eyeballs do that aOOOOOOHga thing like in cartoons???"
but then that broad added RUby (she has to get involved in everything) on that facebook contraption and ruBY was quik to point out that she is a lesbo.
she prolly didn't look at my weener at all then.
And then we watched that olpmpicpic hokcey game on SUNday. it was team USA vs team CANDA in case u missed that. i was trying to root for my cuntry since i been servin' it and all, but secretly i was glad CANDA won cuz i was hopin' NICKLEBAK would come out on the ice and play some AWESOME MUSIC.
i been playin' lots of online poker laterly.
Sat, Feb. 6th, 2010, 11:41 am
Ahhhhhhh oh shit u guyz we has got like 267639 feet of snow here in PITTSBRUG. (that is where the steelers are livin in case u is to stupid to look on a map and be knowing.)
so anywayz i peeked out the window and seen that HOT NAYBOR CHRS was out there shoveling his sidewalk cuz he is a real man who wastes no time. so i was like "ok it is time for me to act like i am a man to" and of course rUBY and that kid who is not really a baby anymore so i just call him a kid now, just so u know, well they wanted to come out to and i was like FUUUUUCK cuz i hate when they remind CHRIS that i have a FAMLY. that is so lamez0rz.
ok so i get all manlied up with my work gloves (they have plastic nubbies on them) and work boots that i no for a FACT turn other dudes' on. i made sure my mustache was bristly and colored in the gray areas with a sharpie. then i pinched my cheeks to get some rosiness and went outside with my big shot shovel.
fucking RUby had her god damn CAMERA and my asshole started puckering so bad cuz i just knewed she was eventully gonna start taking pics of CHRIS.
AND SHE DID.
so i try to ignore her fat ass and concentrate on trying to make my muscles ripple thru my FAYGO jacket while i shovel the sidewalk and im getting pissed, right, cuz it seems that CHRIS is talking more to RUBy and that kid than ME. i'm thinkin "does he not see how closely my shoevlin' moves resemble gay pornos???" i mean, there was not much more sexxx i could put into it aside from shoving the shovel stick up my butt hole and yelling WHEEEEE!!!
AND THEN fucking RUBY started DIVING off the porch into the snow and i was soooooo embrassed!!!! but then i seen cHRIS was laffin so i had to pretend like i am impressed with RUBys talent for the LOLs. when reeally all i can think about is stuffing her mouth with a rotten apple and baking her plump ass in the god damn oven i hate her so much FUCCCK.
and then CHRIS went in the house and did not say good bye to me but he said good bye to RUBY and that dumb kid and i'm like um hello, i'm over here CHRIS! and to rilly make shit worse, ruBY started jumping in the snow close to the side walk and all this snow started falling onto the side walk after i had worked so hard to shovel it WHAT THE FUCCCCK???
now i am in the house warin' my white long johns. i bet if CHRIS saw me in my white long johns he would notice me then. i was gonna post a picture but i think you people should just use your imagininnations.
Thu, Jul. 23rd, 2009, 12:36 am
Oh shit yinz guys I has joined facebooks!!!!! Well rilly I have been on there for like 4mths but kept it hidden from RUby because she can ruin a good thing. But then my son BLAKE (my fave) told me I should I be usin it cuz maybe I can find some old broads I used to bang.
So far I has found some doods I knewed in THW SERVICE!!! I sent one a message and was like 'hay member that night I got my weener stuck in that glory hole" and he reminded me it was actually a fishermans asshole. And now it is not so much a funny memry.
But aside from being forced to connect publickly with RUBy, facebookz is so cool I can fillk out surveys so evryone knos what my first car was and I has been flinging foods at people to!!!!! I has not joined the MAFIA but that is next on my list and then I is going to start a farm and try to grow porn.
If u want to be my friend on there that would be so kewl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I is HENRY ROBBINS from PITTSBURGH.
And this is for REAL not like the fake myspace rubY made for me.
I am hopin to find the gril I roller skated with to AFTERNOON DELIGHT.
OH SHIT u guyz Hot Naybor CHris and his woman is havin a brithday cookout for thier daughter ranay and it has been goin' on all day and there is like all kinds of skinny younger broads out there so i has been in and out all day. NO NOT IN AND OUT of thier VAGYNAS u guys!! you know what i mean.
i helped CHrsi set up a tent this morning for the party it was awsome and ruBY was so pissed cuz she is always naggin me to do shit, not put up a tent but other shit that involves cleaning products and some times even tools and then me and CHris sat around and SHOT THE SHIT while all the skinny younger broads slinked around in thier slutty LOO-OW dresses and ooh i just knewed RUBy must have been fumin cuz she was in the house by herself all day since she does like to SOCIALIZE with the naybors prolly cuz they is to normal for her and do not be diggin up graves & drinkin blood.
then CHris was talkin bout how one of the daughters was fighting with her boyfriend and he was like CAN I COME LIVE WITH U and omg guyz hurry up and help me find ruBY a place to live so CHris can come live here with me!!! i will put on my apron and baked him BUNDT CAKES every nite!!!!
ok i am gonna go back outside now. there is a REALLY SKINNY indie girl out there and she only has on like half of a shirt and u no how i love skanks.
Mon, Jun. 8th, 2009, 02:13 pm
oh shitz my brithday was on saturday and i turned the big 4-4. i am secretly siked about it even tho ruBY is all "omgz u is practicaly 50, start orderin' from the senior sektion of the menu!!!" becuz 44 is the number of my FAVRIT Penguin, Brooks ORPIK. (PENGUINS is a HOCKY TEAM if u to stupid to be knowin') i like him becuz he is like a bully, like sumpin' i always wanted to be in HIGHSKOOL but was not cool-strong-brave enuff.
anywayz on my bday i went to the art festibal with that baby and RUBy and her friend ALEEHSA. ALEESHA Is a lesbionic that means she likes girls and weeners make her cry. i was glad there was no cocky skulptures for her to be cryin' about. there was lots of womans wearin' natural clothings and eatin' granola and i bet she liked them girls.
RUby wanted me to buy her some ugly mug and i was like "bitch 'member whos day this is" and she was all "every day is myday so u best shut yer mouth or i'll leave yu" and ofcourse i am like "BITCH THEN LEAVE" jesus!!!!!! talk about the best way to make my brithday PERFECT!!!
Then i was mad cuz i ended spending the whole time babysitting that kid while RUby and her lezzie friend (OK FINE SHE IS MY FREN TO) went runnin' around looking at ugly art shit and i was like surprised that there was a lot of crap there that aktshully made me apprecate ruBY's fake art!!!
OH AND YEAH 2 fridays ago i had to go to this city called COLUMBUS, it is not in my state just so you no, so RUBy could see that dummie band CHIODOS (i had to look on my OVERPRICED TICKET to see how to spelled there name) and it was so terrble. FRist of all, i could not do no drinkin' since i had t o drive and my mommy raised me right, u no. So RUby was drinking some jerky shit called STRONGBOW and she was like gettin' very aggressive with all the doods there and my weener was curling up like a rubber hose cuz i thought for sure i was gonna have to fight for her and i was spending a lot of time looking for a secret way out. i can not be fighting no 20 yr olds!!!! my son is 16 and he kicks my ass ALL THE TIME! 20 yr olds are even scarier cuz most of them are in college and every one knos that is where they learn how to fight cuz they need to no how to defend themselfs when drunk girls fight back.
It was rilly dumb. except the singer of that band was sitting near us at the bar and i will not lie, he is one fine peice of ass and everytime i be seein' him all i can think is "omgz he is like delicioso" (dora teached me that.) he has a neck tatoo and i am gonna get one. i am gonna get STYX words there. you know, words, like the ones in thier songs. what u call those words?
WELL GUYZ i am havin' to go to my SECIND JOB now. I work TWO JOBZ now because rubY is worthless and cannot find one of her own. she sits around and listens to gothic musac and paints ugly picktures all day and lets that kid climb out windows/